I can’t even recall when the last time I owned up to shit was…apparently it was Monday.
Tuesday was Arts & Drafts! I only took cash with me so I wouldn’t spend beyond my means and I managed to not eat a whole lot and came home with cash! And perler bead crafts! Pictures will need to come another day…or check www.facebook.com/artsanddraftsphilly!
And it’s someone that should really be behind me 100%.
Today I got up at 9am and drove to a friend’s house about 20 minutes away to go to the gym with her. We then spent like 2 hours going to 2 different grocery stores to get the best bang for our buck on Fresh 20 ingredients. I get to my boyfriend’s house (which I usually call home these days since I’ve pretty much lived here for 3 months) and am all pumped. I go to throw something out and noticed that he polished off an entire pint of ice cream that he just bought yesterday.
Wow, thanks for the giant slap in the face, boyfriend. I go out and work out and get groceries for US for a week and you sit at home on your fat ass and eat almost an entire pint of ice cream to yourself.
There has been a sever lack of intimacy in our relationship since a bit before the holidays. I’ve been trying to get back in shape and get us on a healthier diet so that we can boost that back up. He doesn’t even get why it upsets me so much and I guess I’m typing this out to try to formulate my thoughts so I don’t just start crying at him YOU DON’T FIND ME ATTRACTIVE AND WE’RE GETTING FATTER! Which I kind of did by calling him a fatass and telling him and absolutely no more ice cream in the house and almost went to the freezer to throw out the rest of the ice cream.
Food is a really tough issue for me, it always has been. I grew up in a household where shitty snackfoods were commonplace and food always came in mass quantities because of the amount of people we would feed (my sister and her 3 kids, mormons, friends, etc) so I was pretty free to overindulge whenever. I remember once accidentally just eating an entire bag of chips while watching TV one day and how mad my mom got….I suppose I now know exactly how she feels.
In high school I got big. In college I got bigger. Before I realized it, I was 250lbs and my size 20 jeans were getting very tight. At 5’2″ I was huge. After 2006 I made a lot of big dietary changes: NEVER keeping snackfoods, stopped drinking soda, stairs and parking far away and was about to get under 200 rather quickly. I lost another 45lbs working full-time retail (running around nonstop) and getting better about snacking/eating shittily. I think 150 was the lowest I ever was, but 155 seemed to be my good weight after personal training and better diet.
Well now it’s 2013 and my scale said 169 this week. I’m too short to be this heavy. My clothes don’t fit right. I feel awful. I don’t want to be like this and I can’t remember the last time I was this depressed about my weight. It’s a vicious cycle of feeling like shit an not giving a fuck and then trying to crawl out of it but falling back into it. I’m afraid that if I don’t handle this now, I’ll be 250 again and I can’t do that. I deserve to be a size 10, I’m willing to earn that.
But I can’t do that if the person that I spend the majority of my time with isn’t with me and supporting me on this. I feel like I’m less than a girlfriend at this point. I’m sick of doing all of the traveling, grocery shopping, and cooking for nothing. I feel like it isn’t appreciated. I feel like he doesn’t understand how this is so important to me and this is something I really need him to care about. I don’t feel like this often in life…but in at least this one thing: You are either with me or against me.
Yesterday I didn’t post….because I was too busy! I got up in the morning and met with one of my thesis advisers which made me feel a lot better about that project and he has faith that I can knock it out by June.
AND THEN I WENT TO THE GYM! It was only for 35 minutes…. because it was hot and smelly and everywhere I wanted to do things was full of kids. BUT I WENT! And I walked to and from there. I felt really accomplished even if it wasn’t that much stuff. I also had Jeni’s training so my part time job is now in full swing!
Today was my first demo for Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams at Di Bruno Brothers. It went well! One dude bought like 5 ice creams at once. It’s a very laid back gig and it’s like nothing in 3-5 hour shifts. I just have to be careful of my nose running. Womp.
I think I’m selling my tablet today for $220 which would be great because it gets out of my house and I have cash! Hollaaaaaa.
Update: I didn’t sell the tablet….but I also didn’t go out to eat or do anything tonight. We defrosted some chili from the back of the freezer and are staying in watching Netflix movies or something. Another day of saving! I also realized that Jon has a $100 gift card to Whole Foods so Im going to use that tomorrow to get our Fresh20 supplies. Holler. Gonna save some funds this week and possibly even get paid!
I’m the worst at saving the funds. Just the worst.
I volunteer at a thrift store once a week and today I spent $25.50 that I probably shouldn’t have….but here’s the breakdown:
Awesome Mushroom Cookie Jar: $13.99 Unworn Black Leather Ankle Boots $10 Philly Phanatic T-Shirt $7 8 Cards for Arts & Drafts: .50 Total: $34.99 Total with Employee Discount: $25.50
I know it’s kind of weird…but I have wanted a cookie jar like this for a really long time. After coveting my friends’ jars…I decided I had to have it. And for under $10….yeah, that had to happen. I paid with cash that was floating around in my purse so I didn’ t have to dip into my bank account…so that’s a thing I guess.
I was really proud of myself for not stopping and getting New York Chicken & Rice…which I always get when I’m on my way home because I’m always starving and it’s cheap and delicious. I waited until I got home and ate a snack and cleaned up my rooms a bit and finally took out some trash. It was good to do some stuff around the house.
I tried cooking Beef Stroganoff from The Fresh 20 tonight…..and I should just stop trying to cook cows. I’m not good at it. It was edible…but not delicious like some of the other ones.
Oh yeah…most of my bills just went through. I really wish PGW would also go through at that time so that ALL of them would be out at the same time. I don’t have much money left in my account, so I did a little transfer. I can’t keep doing that every month! I’ve got to work on that. I also went out to eat/drink tonight…and yes, it was happy hour so I got out for $15…but I didn’t need to spend that. I feel bad.
Career-wise…I talked with the board member in charge today and feel kind of better about my position there. She didn’t really know much about what I do there and I think now she gets the scope of what I’m doing….in an intern capacity. I was clear that I would be sticking around until something either opened up there or something paid came up. I told her that I had a passion for development, that I love fundraising and even host events in my spare goddamn time to do it and that I was really excited to drive the PAA into a full transition engaging a new generation of craft enthusiasts. That meeting ended with her giving me a copy of the strategic plan that was created in 2007. She asked me to read it tell her what went wrong and why it didn’t work. Five pages in, I can already see a lot of holes and have a LOT of questions. We’ll see how the next 30 go.
I tried The Fresh 20’s salmon, zucchini, and brown rice recipe today…it was pretty good. Gonna keep on track with that this week. I really want ice cream right now….but the beer and snacks at happy hour put me over. UGH WHY IS HEALTHY SO HARD??
Ouch, today’s grocery bill has already got me whining at 10:30am on a Monday!
A friend and I are doing The Fresh 20 together, where you buy 20 fresh ingredients every week and are given 5 recipes to cook with. So far, it has really expanded my cooking knowledge and gotten my boo and I to try new things! My average grocery bill for this has only been about $30 so far…but today I was up to $51.27 and still need to obtain ricotta cheese, fresh parsley, beef sirloin steak, and fresh salmon fillet. I do most of my shopping at Trader Joe’s because it’s convenient and their prices are comprable to Acme but with a slightly higher-quality of produce. I also had to buy a lot of organic this week because TJ’s was out of the generic…so that wasted a few pennies. I’m gonna peep the Acme sales and hit them up later so I can get cheap meat/seafood. I’ll also probably grab some more fruits, since some of TJ’s were looking kinda bleh and were kind of pricey.
Today I am going to apply to a bunch of jobs and work on my thesis crap. I’m also going to go for a job to print out things for my Jeni’s training and it will be awesome.
I’ll probably update this post later after I accomplish things. Keeping this journal seems to help me feel accountable, even if nobody reads it.
UPDATE: I ended up spending $56 at Acme to get the remaining groceries. OUCH! The $12 I spent on ice cream and tastykakes was not that awesome….but the Tastykakes are for my friend. His whole bag was stolen after a convention this weekend and he needs something sweet and delicious. The sirloin steak and salmon were also pretty damn expensive.
Tonight’s Fresh 20 meal was mushroom & ricotta paninis with a side salad…and a beer. The beer is to clear up room in the fridge. Yeah. That. It was pretty good, but would probably add more spices next time. I think I’m going to start telling Jon he has to buy the ice cream so I don’t have to waste so much money.
I jogged almost 2 miles today which isn’t anything crazy, but I also didn’t eat a whole lot so it’s fair.
Applied to 3 jobs! Hopefully one of them will come through.
I didn’t get nearly as much thesis shit done today…..womp. I’ll have to work on that.
It kind of always kills me that MAGFest is usually the first week of the new year because it completely throws off most goals. For me, it’s a weekend of drinking and eating with some of my favorite people in the world. Before I berate myself for my poor eating and spending habits, I will tell you about the awesomeness.
I figured this would be the best picture to open up with…this was Friday night at about 7pm.
SUPER ART FIGHT is pretty much the only con-related event/panel that I attend at any convention and was super pumped to share the experience with my boo. My cohorts and I revel in being the loudest when cheering, especially for one of our own, Phil Kahn.
Art Fight got some creative juices flowing within us (that apparently mix well with beer) and we decided to do put on Arts & Drafts: MAGFest Addition. Our crew took over a table, half with people gaming and half with some supplies Steph and I had brought…nothing fancy at all. A box of collage scraps, a few gluesticks, scissors, pieces of paper, and some watercolors. A few people stopped by at our table and whipped out sketchbooks and had a drink with us. Alan, a graphic designer in New York, made several small portraits and sketched my Miller Lite can….which may have to get framed. He and his girlfriend, Zoey, were wonderful new friends to make. That’s what I love about doing Arts & Drafts- I get to meet wonderful people and enjoy the inspiration and expression that come from them.
That’s pretty much all of the photographic evidence you will get. And now on to berating myself.
In reality, spending $250 total for a whole weekend at a convention really isn’t bad. Bringing our own beer….and buying more macro brew than micro….really saved our budget for this. We stopped in Delaware at Total Wine & More…..which is probably the most amazing booze mecca I have ever been to. We even had some of our stash leftover which will cut down on spending on that this month. Holler.
I spent the majority of my money on food and tipping hotelstaff for stuff. Next year I really need to commit to bringing snacks/breakfast foods (AND WATER) so that we only eat out once a day.
This week I need to apply to ALL THE JOBS! I am also starting my part-timer as a Jeni’s Ice Cream Ambassador! This will be great for me because it’s very flexible and is something that I can do even if I get a full-time job soon. I will probably pick up another part-time job this month…which will mean that I have to stop volunteering at Philly AIDs Thrift. Money. I needs it.
I’m going to continue to intern on Tuesdays and Thursdays during the day and would really like to dedicate Mondays to thesis and job-hunting. I like this routine and should probably stick with it.
Fitness-wise, GET BACK TO RUNNING FATTY! I would like to do yoga 3 times this week. Let’s see if I can make that happen.
Today I went to my internship and learned that we no longer had an Executive Director…so the proposal that I had given to her before Christmas was most likely lost to the world. Basically, nothing is going to really change here until a new director is hired….so I’ll continue to intern and give it 110% in the hopes that I can get some of that sweet, sweet general operating budget in the form of a paycheck.
I will also not put all of my eggs into this one basket and continue to job hunt and informational interview.
I also got one rejection e-mail from a position I applied for over a month ago. Thanks, bro.
In health news, I didn’t do a whole lot of exercise today beyond biking to and from my internship (like 10 minutes) and running up and down stairs….but apparently lugging a box and bag of Buffalo Exchange stuff through Philly ROCKED my arms and shoulders. I haven’t been this sore in so long…I’m pretty sure I pulled something. So I didn’t do much beyond daily activity.
In financial news, I didn’t go out to eat for lunch today, just took some oatmeal with me. Still need to invest in kicking my Dunkin’ habit….but it was on sale today so I’m not too upset about my $1.07 pick-me-up
This weekend I’ll be going to MAGFest in Washington D.C. and am BEYOND EXCITED!